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Dread

Things to be anxious about:

-Finding a place to live in AZ when I don't have (don't know if I will have) proof of employment, as required by many places.

-Moving logistics. There's a conference in SF January 3-7. The spring semester starts at ASU on January 8, and the course I teach begins first thing in the morning on January 8. So much for my idea of driving down there. If I fly, I will have to get a certificate of health for Emma, or I'll have to come back to do the drive.

-Wrapping up projects here so as to be ready to leave. I spent the latter end of last week regrouping and trying to think about how to work away on the data skeletons in the closet.

-Prepping to teach in the spring. A copy of the textbook will show up on Monday. I have a meeting with the textbook rep later next week.

-Packing stuff up, dependent on moving logistics. If I move into an unfurnished apartment, do I take everything with me?

-E-mail is stressful. If I get a job offer, that's stressful. If I don't, that's stressful, too. So many people asking about it, that's stressful. Am I spending enough time on job applications? I can't do everything at once.

-Not getting enough sleep/rest due to anxiety over the above.

-S coming and going and wanting a high level of productive activity at home.

-Lots of people around everywhere, the constant state in California. Nowhere quiet.

I will probably always think back to the period right before I moved out to Texas, when in this kind of state. I did a lot of crying, without a lot of sources of comfort. Some of the same when moving to Nebraska. Things are always a bit easier when moving somewhere where I already know people, but moving remains exhausting. I still can't help thinking I'd be better off not owning any stuff. [personal profile] scrottie just purchased two kayaks, and I just purchased two kayak trailers that hitch up to bicycles.

If I don't post much in the near future, it's probably because I struggle with what to do with negative feelings.

Oh, look, I'm not even posting about current events or politics or how much of California is on fire.

This entry was originally posted at https://rebeccmeister.dreamwidth.org/1191455.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Comments

( 1 remark — Remark )
gfrancie
Dec. 11th, 2017 07:07 pm (UTC)
This sounds like an anxiety loop. At least when you have a path, it may not be the ideal path but you can tell yourself, "okay gotta do this and that." This holding pattern always drives me bananas. So I offer sympathy.
( 1 remark — Remark )

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