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Come back, brain, I've missed you

Conferences elicit a whole bunch of simultaneous emotions. That, coupled with an immediately-following intense family visit, has left me feeling scattered and anxious. Things hit a point last night when my brain finally went ahead and did the mental calculations on the next job application I need to turn in. I'm immensely grateful to my brother for talking me down off that ledge this morning, even if I'm pessimistic about my prospects.

The days ahead are logjammed, too. I'll turn in the application tomorrow, while most of the known American universe is traveling for Thanksgiving. I have a feeling I'll get yanked into the kitchen at some point, and I need to spend some time prepping another Portobello Wellington with Madeira sauce anyway. Then there will be the Big Feast and even more socializing, and maybe after that there will be a day of relief. But then there will be the family Friday After Thanksgiving - Saturday Otherwise (FATSO) gathering, which will be a most-of-the-day affair...and then it will be Sunday, and then Monday, and then back on the road to Texas.

I don't mind spending a bit of time socializing, but it's hard when I start to feel like all of my time and mental capacity has been hijacked. I just don't know how to negotiate well for mental space sometimes.

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April 2019


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