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Not enough time for all the feelings

So, yesterday J and I went on what was, for me, one last Texas brevet. There were 200k and 300k options, but since neither of us was in spectacularly great shape, we signed up for the 200k.

It was good to just go out and focus on bicycling for a while, after all of the emotionally-intense events of Friday (liver surgery for my dad, job interview, wrapping things up in the lab).

But then, on the drive home, K texted me to say that her dog Luda had run away on Saturday morning. She and A had spent most of Saturday afternoon calling around and driving around and biking around, looking for Luda. While I slept fairly well, due to exhaustion, I slept with one ear open, listening for that familiar whine at the front door. No whine.

This morning, while walking around the neighborhood, J came home with 18 four-leaf and five-leaf clovers. I don't know how he does it. Then K came back from printing out Lost Dog flyers, and the two of them canvassed the neighborhood again, posting flyers and looking around while I hung out at the house to watch B and work on pre-moving chores. Eventually, J returned, with tips from two people who had spotted Luda the night before and that morning. After an additional foray by bicycle, he returned with Luda in tow.

Today, my friends and I are continuing to ignore the Sportsing traditions, and instead my friends insisted on a going-away dinner tonight. As one friend put it, it isn't really for me but for them. They're what I'm going to miss here. Texas is the second place I've lived where I've felt like a serious cultural (lifestyle?) misfit (Boston being the first). Despite that, the friends here are a demonstration to me that it's possible to make meaningful connections with others even when one's lifestyle is far in the minority.

There's so much more going on, though. Missing scrottie, thinking about my dad, not knowing what the future holds (as if we ever know, ha!). It all makes me want to go somewhere and curl up in a ball, or get lost on a forest trail - somewhere where I can just sit and feel my small size in the vast universe.

Comments

( 1 remark — Remark )
(Anonymous)
Feb. 2nd, 2015 06:38 am (UTC)
Thinking of you...
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you during this very very challenging time. Glad to hear that Luda was found! I'll take that as a good omen. Though Texas hasn't been your cup of tea, taking that next step into the unknown has got to be a lot for you right now. Thankfully your dad's surgery is behind us now, and he's doing extremely well (my opinion). I expect him to continue in the same manner. (After we played scrabble today his blood pressure was high...but I attribute that to all the blipping machines in the hospital.) I'm looking forward to having him at home. I'm hoping also to flush the adrenaline from last week out of my system, and hold YOU in vigil as you cut loose and begin your journey. Not an easy place for you to be, but YOU CAN make this next transition!
Love,
~Mom
( 1 remark — Remark )

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