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Ephemera

It was interesting, to find that last poem and re-post it, try to think about how it might have related to my former self, and how it does and does not resonate with me now.

Last Saturday, after writing about trying to cope with the silence, I learned something almost more awful, which was that an issue with email miscommunication had been a larger contributor to the falling-apart than either S or I had realized. So we have a lot of relationship restructuring still to do. I guess this gets glibly called, "Status: it's complicated." I would never dare to claim to be any good at this stuff. How could I.

I hit a really low point on Monday - the kind of experience that starts to manifest as severe physical symptoms and isn't the kind of thing I can write about easily, even to myself. Finally talking more to S helped, some.

Just about the only thing that seemed clear from that was that I have to keep working at my own self restructuring, too. A long time ago I used to call this "curling inward."

I can't exactly start chattering about the ephemera, under such circumstances. I don't know if it means that I need to take a more extensive digital sabbatical or not. I had to desperately go through and un-friend a whole bunch of people on Facebook on Monday. I am finding that I can still go through the day and take photographs, but that might be most of what I can do and share for a while - on Flickr, not here. Somehow I always still manage to go to work and get work done as well. Having to inject and dissect crickets keeps me at least a little glued together. I keep thinking back to when my Grandma Clark died and I started reading through the dictionary.

Take care, friends, and family.

Comments

( 4 remarks — Remark )
thewronghands
Apr. 15th, 2015 05:42 pm (UTC)
Sorry things have been hard; I was wondering how you were doing. I hope you have tea and a good book to tide you over; I'm here if you need someone to talk to, or to exchange nature notes or something if you want to talk about anything but.
rebeccmeister
Apr. 15th, 2015 06:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you...there's still a whole lot to process. I'm still stuck in _Godel, Escher, Bach_, bleah. But I'll get through it eventually!
dichroic
Apr. 15th, 2015 08:00 pm (UTC)
Often on LJ I miss having a button to click, like FB's Like or Ravelry's Love(1), for when you don't have anything useful to say but want to express support.
rebeccmeister
Apr. 15th, 2015 10:49 pm (UTC)
I think a lot of people just leave *hugs* as a comment. And thank you.
( 4 remarks — Remark )

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